Gloria Ferris

Tim and I have had some of the most interesting conversations at the #79 Bus Stop at the Corner of Ontario and Superior .  Saturday was no exception.

 We were WAY too early for the next bus so we took the opportunity to walk through the square and look at the Christmas lights.  There are bundles of them on each tree. I observed that the Christmas tree was leaning to the west and Tim said he hadn’t noticed until I mentioned it. I said that someone else had mentioned that the orange lights on the trees were more reminiscent of Halloween than Christmas. Tim said he liked them and I observed that they certainly added a new color into the mix, but I liked the tradional red and green the best.    

 An older black gentleman nodded to us as we hustled into the shelter to get out of the bitter cold.  We all settled in for the long, cold wait for our buses.  The first couple to leave our little group was a young black couple. As they hopped onto their bus, the older man turned to me and asked “why are we so destructive? Why are we so destructive in our criticism of others?”  He then recounted that the young couple had been talking about acquaintances but they had described each and every one of the people with derogatory comments-the guy with the big nose, the girl with the big behind, and so on.

He then asked if people “don’t know that others carry those labels throughout their lives”-the guy with the big nose, the girl with the big behind”.  He said, “the guy with the big nose might end up with a nice house,  a wife and kids, and a good job, but he would always remember that people called him  ‘the guy with the big nose’.  People think that words don’t stick, but they do.  And many words hinder people from being all they can be.  “We shouldn’t do that to each other”, he said. As he got on the bus, he shook his head still asking “Why aren’t we more accepting? Why aren’t we more positive? Why don’t we show others we love them instead of destructively criticizing them?”

None of us left at the bus stop had an answer for him. I don’t have one now but, as I thought about writing this post, I realized that I had been guilty of the “take away” syndrome, too.  Not with people but with the Holiday display on the square.  Instead of focusing on the thousands of lights on the pine, I noticed that it just wasn’t quite plumb. I even brought in someone else’s criticism to the conversation when I mentioned the post I had read that didn’t like the orange lights. Instead of basking in the beauty of the moment, I played the “yes,but…”game.  And then, I realized that I received words of wisdom from a chance meeting at a bus stop.

There is no better time to form a new habit than at the holidays when we strive to show others peace and goodwill.  So starting today, I will look at the moments I have with others and myself from  an appreciative viewpoint and put the destructive, negative thoughts behind me.  After all, they are more destructive to the one who voices them than the one who may not even know they have been said.